Sadness boosting creativity?

Since last week I struggle with a short depression and of lack of sleep (with heat that was hard)...all friends say to me hold on you can do it you are good friend...but yesterday evening  I try to paint a few but all that I could do reflect sadness and my inner sensitivity I ever hide this to people ..I am really  so but I can't cheat with Art...I fear people misunderstand me  or criticize me it is coming from teens time I can't earase all of that past...I only get tired to fight... Sometimes fighters want to give up but finally find inner strength to go ahead...I saw the us film  about Mohammad Ali yesterday on Tv ....

I draw eyes  and write my pain under it and also a black flack...and i realize that loosing a friend can be hurtful...and that this drawing is my yelling my way to express my disgust... Paradoxically that was the only friend I have had in my town... I realize I didn't know that person deeply...I wanted to get real friendship but... We need to give and commitment to eachother...

I think also to another friend of mine she will live in Italy....and guess ever how could we be far friend like this...I want to let grow this friendship but....only with internet... It will be to me really hard (if you read this post we talked about the matter and I have the feeling to loose you too...)

I know that I have a problem how to let my friends go and doing their own experiences without me....time back to teenage days omg hard to remember such things......that was 10 years ago omg he'd to live as I was in that time we can change our inner character right?